Part 1 - Thinking : How do you change your limiting beliefs?
The Job Delusion Book tells the story of how regular guy Kevin H. Boyd, discovered the secrets of the millionaire mindset to escape his day job and become Financially Free.
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Kevin H. Boyd:
Midlife Entrepreneurs Podcast Number 7.
Hello fellow entrepreneurs and mindset hackers. Uh, this is Kevin Boyd, business coach, entrepreneur, and all around psychology nerd. In this season of the podcast, I want to share with you my 2012 book, the job delusion, where I talk about my own journey of discovering how the wealthy think and then using that knowledge to free myself from the delusion of having a day job and finally becoming financially free. Today’s show is brought to you by audible. Audible is offering you, dear listener, a free audiobook with a 30-day trial membership. Just go to audible trial.com forward slash midlife and browse through their vast selection of audio programs. Download a free title and start listening. It’s that easy. So go to audible trial.com forward slash midlife to get started listening today,
Kevin H. Boyd: (01:14)
The jobdelusion, how to start thinking your way to financial freedom, written and narrated by business coach Kevin H. Boyd
Kevin H. Boyd: (01:30)
Chapter two, changing limiting beliefs. He looks outside his own heart, dreams. He looks inside his own heart, awakens Carl Young. What are limiting beliefs? A limiting belief is something that you believe is true about yourself, other people or the world, whether it was stand up to scientific analysis does not matter the fact you believe it is good enough for your mind to subtly affect your daily actions. We are meaning creation machines. We attach meaning to almost everything that happens to us in our lives. I’m poor because I did not get good grades at school. I tried once before to be rich and failed, so it’s not meant to be! From these associations of meaning. We write our own backstory to the movie script of our lives. We invest a lot of energy and belief into our own story and our leading actor, us. Our story contains all of our limiting beliefs that subtly control our thoughts that then lead to our feelings and ultimately our actions every day of our lives.
Kevin H. Boyd: (02:41)
If you believe you’re not smart enough to become successful, then when you see a job advertised that you are in fact capable of doing, but your mind tells you that you are not smart enough to do it, then you won’t even apply for it even though you may have been just what they were looking for. When you hear your mind saying, I can’t do that and it is humanly possible, then that’s a limiting belief. So how do you change limiting beliefs about yourself? First, find the problem to find a solution to a problem. You first need to know what the problem is. What are the thoughts and beliefs that are running your life? It can be very hard to identify them in a normal, rational frame of mind. So much is buried deep within our unconscious mind. I needed to find a way to access and understand my thoughts, both conscious and unconscious.
Kevin H. Boyd: (03:35)
They say the human mind hasn’t evolved much in the last 40,000 years and modern psychology has been investigating the mine for the last few centuries. So surely there must be a well documented approach to accessing the unconscious mind by now the talking cure back in the 1990s I had worked on discovering my backstory through various different talking cures with names like counselling, psychotherapy, and even art therapy. At the time. I had found it very helpful to get clear about my early childhood experiences and how they had affected my adult life. If you are unfamiliar with your own backstory, I would recommend at least sometimes spent exploring your paths with the support of one of the established talking cures like counselling as it will reveal a lot about why your present life is the way it is. But years on from all of that exploration, I was still left with a whole bunch of limiting beliefs and so I was keen to try a more practical approach to changing my behaviour.
Kevin H. Boyd: (04:37)
A 2,500 year old approach. The Buddhist tradition has recommended meditation as a technique to get to know one’s mind for thousands of years. It occurred to me that a system that has taken that long to develop and mature and has about half a billion followers around the world must be a good place to start. So I went along to a meditation class at my local Buddhist center and learned several meditation techniques that helped me get really clear about some of my limiting beliefs. Here is a simple meditation technique that I found very helpful in identifying my thoughts. What follows is a simple breathing meditation taken from the website. How to meditate.org sit in a comfortable chair and allow yourself five to 10 minutes to do this meditation. The purpose of meditation is to stop distractions and make your mind clear and more lucid. This can be accomplished by practicing a simple breathing meditation. Choose a client place to meditate and sit in a comfortable position. The most important thing is to keep your back straight, to prevent your mind from becoming sluggish or sleepy. Sit with your eyes closed and turn your attention to your breathing. Breathe naturally, preferably through your nostrils without attempting to control your breath and tried to become aware of the sensation of your breath, how’s it enters and leaves your nostrils or the sensation of the air passing in and out of your nostrils is where you want to put your attention.
Kevin H. Boyd: (06:22)
If your mind gets caught up in other thoughts, just notice this and gently bring yourself back to the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your nostrils. At first, your mind will be very busy and you might even feel that the meditation is making your mind busier, but in reality you’re just becoming more aware of how busy your mind actually is. There will be a great temptation to follow your different thoughts as they arise, but you should resist this and just notice them and then let them float away like a bubble in the wind. When you come out of the meditation, you can note down some of these thoughts, but for now remain focused on the sensation of the breath. If you discover that your mind has wandered and is following your thoughts, gently return to the sensation of your breath.
Kevin H. Boyd: (07:36)
Meditation is like exercising a muscle. At first it will be wheat and you won’t be able to go for very long, but with regular practice you will be able to meditate for longer and it is a tool you can use at any point in your day when you wish to calm your mind and focus your thoughts. My favorite place is to use it while standing in a queue. It takes away my impatience and makes the chore of Queuing a much more pleasurable experience. My limiting beliefs about money, well meditating, I would ask myself the question, how would my life be if I were rich? I’m from match with my unconscious mind came a series of limiting beliefs around being successful and especially about money. It’s too hard to be really successful. I’m not smart enough to be rich. I’ll have to change so much to be successful and I may lose who I really am.
Kevin H. Boyd: (08:36)
The love of money is the root of all evil. No one will like me when I’m rich. You can be rich and spiritual money. It doesn’t buy you happiness. I realized that I had inherited most of these beliefs. They were secondhand views. I had picked from others. If I was honest with myself, I really did not know if they were true at all. It was definitely time to challenge these views and test out how my life would be different if I change them. I needed a technique to change my limiting beliefs. As I had heard many times. The statement that insanity is repeating the same mistake over and over again hoping for a different result, so it’s time to stop. The insanity has start a new way of being. As I had been brought up in the British socialist model, making money and modes of successful thinking had not been taught to me by the education system all by my peers. I felt that if I was going to break out of my limiting beliefs about money, then I needed someone from the American capitalist school of thinking to show me how!
Kevin H. Boyd: (09:48)
Today’s show is brought to you by Audible. Audible is offering you, dear reader, a free audiobook with a 30 day free membership. Just go to audible, trial.com forward slash midlife and browse the vast selection of audio programs they have. Download a title for free and start listening. It’s that easy. So go to audible.com forward slash upward spiral coaching to get started today. Back when I was a youngster in the 20th century, I worked in the early tech industry which required me to reread huge, thousand page, computer manuals and they found it relatively easy to make sense of them. But today in the 21st century, I just don’t have time to sit down and read and I’ll be honest, I feel my brain just doesn’t enjoy reading pages and pages of texts anymore, but that has been transformed by using Audible because now I can listen to the longest and most complex books as I go from my evening walk around the park or even when I’m cooking. As an example of that and currently listening to Jordan B. Peterson’s 30 hour epic Maps of meaning. There’s no way I would read such a long and complicated book, but with Audible I can dip in and out whenever I have a spare few minutes of downtime. I’m learning so much every day just by using audio books. So to download your free audio book today, go to audible trial.com forward slash midlife again, that’s audible, trial.com forward slash midlife and you can get your free audio book today.
Kevin H. Boyd: (11:27)
I am my only limitation. Throughout the years I’d heard of Tony Robbins, the larger than life success guru who motivates an entire stadium full of people to walk over hot coals to demonstrate the power of overcoming limiting beliefs in clicking over to Tony robbins.com and searching through as many offerings in the end, I chose personal power to a 30 day program that promised to change my limiting beliefs each day. I listened to 30 to 60 minute mix of stories, ideas and techniques designed to change my limiting beliefs. Tony argues that if you don’t have enough money in your life, then you have not conditioned yourself for wealth. The few it goes like this. Everybody is driven by two primal forces. One, they need to avoid pain to the desire to gain pleasure. We want to move away from pain and move towards pleasure. Most of us feel pain around the idea of having more money than we need and putting the effort required into achieving it.
Kevin H. Boyd: (12:31)
It is much more pleasurable to stay in our comfort zone has that doesn’t require any effort to change. When I used to think about how much effort and hard work would be involved in being rich, it was just too painful for me to even contemplate. I needed to change my conditioning because every action I took was being subtly affected by this pain. It was like adjusting the rudder on my ship of life of fraction every day. It was not obvious on a day to day basis, but as I approached 40 I realised my direction of travel was way off target. I want you to be sitting on a beach sipping Pina Coladas, not slogging away as an it droid for the rest of my life. Anchoring. Tony’s main tool to enable change was to use anchoring, which is a technique champion by the nuro linguistic programming school of psychology.
Kevin H. Boyd: (13:23)
This is where we associate a particular feeling or thought with either say a touch or a particular word we hear or even a symbol we may use to create a new association in your mind. First, close your eyes and visualise something you love doing something you are really successful at and project this image onto a cinema screen in your mind’s eye. Next, zoom into the screen so the images as large as possible now enhanced the colours on the screen so that they are as vivid as possible and the sound is full on surround sound and loud, but you’re watching an IMAX movie. Then really feel the positive emotions associated with this image and turn them all the way up to full. Now associate those positive feelings with the new thing you would like to be good at, but currently associate with pain to help anchor this feeling.
Kevin H. Boyd: (14:19)
Create a word or a phrase you can use. Again, like I have a millionaire mind or a physical gesture like squeezing your index finger or wearing a rubber band around your wrist and pinging it. Maintain this visualization for at least 30 seconds to help build up new neural pathways in the brain as repetition is the mother of skill. Repeat this exercise every day until it is firmly anchored in your mind and all you have to do is say, I have a millionaire mind or squeeze your index finger, all ping your rubber band and you feel the pleasurable emotions associated with this new thought. I must admit the whole approach sounded rather too simplistic to change my long held beliefs, but I did want to change my old unhelpful patterns and to start to live a different life. I focus my mind on the pain of staying stuck in my rut and then started to imagine how my new life would be if I change
The courage to change. Fear is always the first emotion we get when we try and learn something new. So courage is not the absence of fear, but it’s about feeling the fear and pushing through it and doing it anyway. Change is like a small death. In our minds, we have to grieve the passing of our familiar, comfortable way of thinking and doing. We are reluctant to let go of this old familiar behavior is like a physical part of ourselves, so de cluttering our minds of the junk from our past requires courage and is painful, but those patterns of behavior had their moment in the spotlight and they just didn’t deliver. It is time for the old patterns to exit stage left and let the new star behavior take the stage and show what talent it possesses. I started to think of the great feeling I have whenever a check came in from myself employed software business boy, did it feel good when the project was over and the invoice went in and the client paid?
Kevin H. Boyd: (16:18)
Yes. Then I associated that positive feeling when investing my money in property, how good it was going to feel to get a rent check every single month for the rest of my life and not only that, every few years I would be able to remortgage the house and take out some of its equity. Then I do receive an even bigger check by playing this movie in my mind for 30 seconds. It helped create new neural pathways that would fire off the next time we thought about investing. I still felt some fear, but it felt less powerful, less controlling of my actions. Build those change muscles by changing the meaning of what being wealthy means to you. You can start to move towards it as it is now associated with pleasure and not paying like going to the gym. You need to maintain these associations on a regular basis. Continue to visualize positive feelings towards getting wealthier and negative emotions towards staying where you are right now.
Kevin H. Boyd: (17:20)
Focusing on the pain can act as a catalyst towards change. If you really focus on that pain and make it bigger in your mind’s eye, it reaches a point where you can’t bear it any longer. If you realize that things must change and only you can change them, then you will be motivated to start changing your old habits. Tony Robbins also suggest interrupting the old unhelpful pattern when it comes up by immediately changing your physical position. So when you feel yourself thinking negatively about the work required to change, interrupts the thought either with a physical change like standing up suddenly or punching the air or with a logical question like what did you have for breakfast this morning? If you interrupt the pattern enough times, you will seem to find it hard to go back to that old way of thinking. The combination of meditation to discover my limiting beliefs and then reassigning those negative beliefs to positive ones was helping me to think and act differently about wealth.
Kevin H. Boyd: (18:19)
But there were some very deep seated beliefs buried in my own conscious mind that we’re still holding me back. And so it was time to try a more powerful technique to change those hypnotherapy. Sigmund Freud first started his journey into the unconscious mind back in 1885 using hypnosis or technique that induces a state of physical relaxation that allows the mind to focus on suggestions and questions made by a therapist. Most modern psychotherapy involves talking about your patterns of behavior and trying to track down where they came from, but just talking about your issues, realizing you’re being conscious of the patterns running in your conscious mind, but just talking about your issues relies on you being conscious of the patterns running in your unconscious mind. When we have painful experiences in our early childhood, our mind often represses the memory and then later in life we often deny that we even have a problem with the repressed event.
Kevin H. Boyd: (19:18)
People often say, I just don’t worry about money, which hides the fact that they decided early on not to ever think about how to become wealthy as it just seemed too difficult or was not what someone from their background would ever do. Though many other models of working with the mind had been developed since Freud’s time. Hypnosis has continued to be used to help make conscious that which is unconscious in our mind these days. Most hypnotherapists use a more advanced technique called integral eye movement technique. As I relaxed in a chair, the integral eye movement technique, hypnotherapists placed a pen a few inches from my eye line and asked me to follow it only with my eyes. He asked me to think back to early childhood memories about money. He didn’t need to hear the whole story. He just needed one key word to use as a trigger.
Kevin H. Boyd: (20:12)
He asked me to relive the situation in my mind’s eye while he moved the pen around from the extreme left to the extreme right, my vision. Then he asked me to rewrite this memory into how I would have liked it to have turned out. While I did this, I continued to follow his pen around from left to right up and down with only my eyes. Even though the techniques seemed quite simple and rather odd, it did seem to have the effect I wanted where I had felt pain before about being successful and wealthier. I now just felt excited about getting on the journey.
Kevin H. Boyd: (20:48)
So now it was time to take action and learn the how-to of wealth creation.
Thank you for listening. This has been Kevin Boyd of Midlife Entrepreneurs. Please subscribe to my podcast and follow me on Youtube and get in touch if you want to discuss how I can help you transform your life.